Came back from outer space late

That is Freya at about 12weeks when I first got to see her. Enjoy the baby pic folks lol. Thats her hand on her belly just so you know.

So its been way to long since my last post I have been a bit busy on the up and down side. So I am 3days from being 36weeks pregnant, I’m sure you all are holding your breath wanting to know what I’m having, its a girl!!!! Her name is Freya like Odin’s wife. The difference is I actually named her because as a kid I had a thing for Norse Mythology and I loved that name so I didn’t really name her after Odin’s wife she just happened to be the goddess that had the cool name. My search on a place to live was not very fruitful but I’m Ok with that my baby daddy came around to the idea of my daughter when I was almost 7 months pregnant only because his daughter (not mine) asked if I had a baby in my tummy and if it could be a brother. He said “its a little sister” then had the nerve to name my daughter and I told him she had a name and that was not it. So far I stay to myself still in search of my happily ever after single mom who works to much, home. I will find something until then driving him bunkers at every turn is fun, she is so far so good though I’m still scared that the worst will happen I have a AU (advanced ultrasound) coming up because her body is great her weight is great but her head measurements are still showing to small. They are worried her brain and things may not grow to full term because of her “skull” size is not growing right. I hope everyone prays in one way or another because I need all the help I can get that they just had a problem with their measurements and that she’s okay. I will be on here later I still have to fill out her journal which I started the day I found out she was a she ha. I love you all and will be on soon to give more detail of the crap I’ve done and what not.

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Normal isn’t My Thing

So today before I run off to work I have decided to make a post. I got up about 10:30pm last night and was up until 12:24pm, I cleaned the house and took a shower before I headed to bed. I woke a little late to get ready for work and still managed some time to do dishes. I called my doctors office and made an appointment for tomorrow after work and there’s like five cars that pull up just to fight in the front yard so I’m sure not wanting to be here I’m going to look for a place today and make my way alone and hope some thing good comes out of it. I haven’t had much time to think about what I need until just a moment ago and I no some what of what I should do. Life is short and I only get one chance to do what I can the right way. I wish everyone luck in there journey.

I wish I could whine and cry and get my way every time

Today I got home at 8:32am even though I’m suppose to get off work at 7:00am, night shift is great right, well anyways I came home and my boyfriend was asleep so I had to stay up with his daughter and that wasn’t happening I was tired and my headache was getting worse. Of course my day got better when his mom started texting my phone asking if we talked bout my pregnancy. See how she always tells me my relationship is none of her business but its funny how she can’t help but just butt her nose in. Anyways I told her the last time we talked he said “get rid of it or leave” mind you I have no family no actual friends that will let me stay with them so leaving is almost not an option. So anyways after coming back after work I just wanted to sleep he was suppose to make me chilly for dinner and I made sure he had everything he needed. So I made her lay down with me and take a nap when we got up it was to b**ching that I didn’t put his drinks in the fridge when I came home but I put all the other things away. The other was I didn’t let her play in the bath (she don’t want my attention she has been asking for his) I gave her a quick bath as she screamed and cried. He finally put her to bed, she wanted a movie he put on a movie she wanted to sleep with the towel she used after her bath he said Ok, she wanted the cat he said fine, she wanted her tablet he went and got it then cried about a dollar in his room she wanted and he went and grabbed that too. She cries about it he does it, she is suppose to GO TO BED for school in the morning. Ya there’s a crap ton of sleep. So about 5mins ago I asked him what time will he be making dinner cause its 8:25pm and I am pregnant so eating is a thing with me. He said (on my only night off tonight) I’ll make it tomorrow for you I don’t feel like cooking today. If I don’t cook when he wants me to we fight. If I say something about it we’ll fight I have a headache so popcorn for dinner sounds lovely. If I make anything else he’ll want me to cook. My life sucks most days.

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Have a little fun its my only laugh right now.

Misery Loves Me More

So I was in and out all through the night and morning. The pregnancy has made it hard for me to stay up or sleep. My Man-Child boyfriend (ex fiancé) hasn’t gotten off the video games all night and has woke me from time to time to make his food. His daughter (from an old fling thing) is seven and she calls me mom but her and her dad don’t listen to me. She asks I tell her no she says I don’t have to listen to you. He says I’m mean to her because I believe children should not throw a fit and get their way. He however believes if it shuts her up so he can play his games then why not. I have just turned 26 I pay all bills and extra he is going on 31 hasn’t had a job in over 7 1/2 years I tell him how things are and I’m wrong I tell him I’ll stop paying bills and I’m the b**ch I fell in love with him many years ago when he got me to believe he was something he’s not. My advice to everyone don’t change your life for anyone you never know who they really are always have a back up because I sure don’t with out his roof though I pay the bills I’m legally homeless he is the only one on the rental agreement so I have no right to be here by Tennessee law. Always have a back up plan nothing is forever until your dead. I wish everyone better luck in their lives.

To be a flower would be better
imageTo be a flower would be better

My spawn-iversary

So March 18th was the day I happen to have been born. I can’t say if that is to important because its not important to anyone else around me just another day in my life. I thought it would be a wonderful day but as it went on my friends made other plans my boyfriend (ex Fiancé) hadn’t really said anything to me. I’ve had a total of four texts telling me haply birthday and all I keep thinking is…. truly I don’t like my life. So here’s the thing. I left college to be with a man I thought loved me whom I happen to love after a year lies were told I slept with his little brother. Then after four months of torture with his mom and him he purposed I sadly should have declined instead I said yes two days later I told him I’m pregnant. That was fun to tell him. So it went from I love you to its probably my brothers. So now I’m pregnant alone sad and I have no family but his. I don’t want to give up a life that can’t stop being itself but truly I have no place to go. I have never cheated until he chose to say it was everyone’s kid but his. Please girls take it from me never cheat just leave. I cheated on him for the first time. When I did guess who got a surprise….. I did. I ended up with an STD its curable but that’s not the thing. It either came from my boyfriend (ex Fiancé) or from a friend who was a one night stand even though him and I are still friends I still slept with him. So here it is my birthday and all I can do is be board and mad at myself for taking a chance and being wild one time. My little sister sleeps with everything and she has not gotten anything the one time I cheat and I feel like my world is nothing but black emptiness surrounding my every move. I have not lived a perfect life but come on really!!!!!